And I Try
by TrainOfThought15
Summary: AUish. A man can only take so much pain before he cracks, so much rejection before he breaks. Cause after all, you don't know what you really got till it's gone, and pain is still a better teacher than experience. Chapter 8 up!
1. Empty

**A/N:** Whew, a new story! And in a new category too! Anyways, enough of the self-servicing talk. This story is non-canon, that is to say AUish, or whatever it is you want to call it. The pairing is NaruSaku (obviously). I can't really tell you the summary without spoiling something, so I'd just give you an advice. Read the story! And now, read, enjoy, and review.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, or the song. I only own, once again, the twisted plot line and the story.

**And I Try**

"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Naruto called to the girl from across the hallway of the inn they were staying at. Said girl looked at the blonde-haired teen, seemingly annoyed.

"What? What do you want?" She asked, anger laced into her voice. The boy seemed unfazed and just continued grinning at the girl, which only caused her to get irritated further.

"Well, you see, I was hoping that you'd..." Naruto trailed off, his grin disappearing, as his eyes looked at everything but her. She huffed in annoyance and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Hoping I'd what?" She asked him, getting ticked off by each passing second.

"Well I was hoping that you'd go on a date with me once were back in Konoha." He said to her, looking at her as he said it.

"No." She flat out refused.

"B-b-but why?" He asked her, hoping against hope that what she would say wouldn't be what he thinks she would say.

"Because you're not my type." She said, disdain in her voice, before turning around and starting to walk again.

"Please... Sakura-channnnn!!" He pleaded as he grabbed her arm, making her face him.

"I said no, dammit! " She screeched at him, making Naruto loosen his hold on her. She got out of his now slackened grip and proceeded to walk away again, missing the darkening of the features of the normally jovial boy. What she heard next shocked her.

"This is about Sasuke-jerk again, isn't it?" He asked, coldly, as if everything that made Naruto warm and happy had suddenly vanished into thin air. She shuddered, feeling as if the person with her wasn't someone she knew.

"No, it isn't." She denied, which he replied with a hollow-sounding chuckle.

"There's no use denying it, Haruno-san. I always knew that was the reason why you always say no." He said, sounding lifeless. She was shocked, thinking that Naruto didn't take to heart every rejection he got from her. What shocked her more was the fact that he called her Haruno-san, and not the usual "Sakura-chan."

"It is not!" She shouted at him, still denying the fact. 'Has he really snapped?'

"Shut it Haruno-san. I already know the truth, so stop fucking denying it already." He growled at her, making her shiver in fear. He passed her and she felt a fear more intense than when she saw Naruto's Kyuubi transformation.

She stood there for a long time, unnerved by Naruto's sudden change. She shrugged it off, deciding that it was nothing and that the blonde will return to normal in the morning. She went to her part of the room they were staying at.

The room was really two adjoined rooms that were separated by as wooden sliding door. It was magnificent and was furnished with a style that reminded them of old Japanese houses. It was comfortable and luxurious. Well, at least that was what it seemed like that afternoon. She entered the room, heading to her side of the room, trying not to notice how Naruto ignored her as if she was not even there.

She decided to turn in early, seeing as she can't quell the little bit of guilt that she felt.

(Break here)

Sakura woke up to the sound of someone quietly sobbing. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and gazed at the paper door to other room, since it was where the sound was coming from. She decided to look at the others. What she saw startled her.

There was Naruto, sitting on the balcony, silently crying. She watched him as he wiped off his tears and produced a scroll from his pocket and focused Chakra on it. She was amazed when she saw the guitar that appeared.

'He... He plays the guitar?' She asked herself, before taking a breath. He started strumming the guitar, to a tune she knew well.

"I..I didn't even know... that... he played..." She whispered to herself.

**I can't explain this**

**It's hard to understand**

**I tried but I'm lost**

**Mesmerized by her**

**That her love will surely stay**

**She smiles at every face**

**Even mine but**

**Why doesn't she see me in this empty room?**

**Does she think about me?**

**When you do, when you do**

"I..I didn't even know... that... he played..." She whispered to herself. She almost screamed when she heard Sai's voice .

"Apparently, you don't know a lot about him. He's been playing the guitar before he came back to Konoha, or at least that's what he tells me."

"What? But why didn't I notice this? How was he able to hide this?"

"Because you were mostly preoccupied. And we usually get separate rooms when we're on missions, and on times that we do share rooms, you're usually sound asleep."

"What?"

"He's been playing new songs these past few weeks. This apparently, is a pretty new one. But his songs are usually hopeful, not this... sad." Sai continued on.

**And I try to walk that same hill next to you**

**And I try to be that missing part of you**

She closed her mouth, not attempting to talk anymore, connecting two and two together. This was about her. He wrote this song for her. Wait... He writes songs?

**I tremble as I wait**

**In this busy city streets**

**And I see a million stares at me**

**And she's still looking**

**Finding the right time to see**

**That the sign she's looking for will lead to me**

**But can't you see what you're doing to me**

**Can't you see that I've been?**

**Dealt by this dealt by you**

**And I try to walk that same hill next to you**

**And I try to be that missing part of you**

She looked on at the blonde haired boy, dumbfounded that he was this deep and she never even knew. The boy looked ethereal, and the tears streaking down his face made him look more beautiful.

**And I tried to shut them**

**Playing this picture in my head**

**But even in the dark**

**You are there…**

**And I try to walk that same hill next to you**

**And I try to be that missing part of you**

**And I try to walk that same hill next to you**

**And I try to love you even if you won't**

She felt tears falling down her face, covering her mouth to stop any sound from escaping. She turned around and headed for her bed, missing the smile that Sai gave her. He knew that this was just what the girl needed to realize what she'd been missing all along.

Sakura went to her bed, her tears flowing freely. She covered herself with the sheets and tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. She didn't know she hurt Naruto this deeply. She wanted to do something but couldn't, so she just cried. She cried herself back to sleep that night.

_Meanwhile..._

Naruto resealed his guitar and wiped the tears from his eyes before heading back inside. He saw Sai and wasn't surprised to see that the other boy was awake. Sai was smiling at him, as if saying 'I know something you don't.' Naruto Shrugged and went to his bed.

"New song?"

"Yeah. Made it just today." Naruto replied, chuckling a little as if to exaggerate how good he was.

"That's your fourth song this week. You must have a lot of inspiration right now." Sai said, noticing Naruto flinch a little.

"Yeah, you could call it that..."

"Must be pretty good for you to be able to write this many songs. Are you gonna release it?"

"The song? Yeah, I'm gonna get my manager to listen to it and find out if I can go ahead."

"Nice. You're on your way to total stardom already."

"Yeah right. I'm just a normal kid with great talents."

"Oh, I beg to differ. You should take a walk around town sometime. You'll be amazed at what you hear."

"Ah, shut up and go to sleep."

"Whatever."

Naruto closed his eyes and resisted the urge to make a comeback. He slowly drifted off to sleep. He couldn't forget the hurt feeling he was having, forcing himself to believe that he shouldn't feel hurt, as he didn't really have a hold on her, so he shouldn't be sad. He drifted off to sleep, while doing just that, his last thoughts drifting off to her.

"Sakura..." He whispered in his sleep. A lone tear trickled out from his eye.

**A/N: **There it is, the first chapter of this (obviously) multi chaptered story. The song, as stated in the disclaimer, is not mine. It was **Jillian **by **Spongecola**. The conversation of Naruto and Sai will be explained in the next chapter. Anyways, read and review. Flames are welcome, but will be ignored, so there. As usual, they will be sent to my kitchen to help in cooking.


	2. Promises

**A/N: **Here it is, the second chapter of this story, Hope you enjoy it. Review afterwards, please.

**Disclaimer: **All standard disclaimers apply, the old ones, the new ones, and the ones that haven't been invented yet. I own nothing here except the twisted plot line.

**(Break is supposed to go here.)**

Sakura woke up a little later than she usually does. She panicked a little when she saw the clock read 9 o' clock already, thinking that her teammates already left her. She immediately stood up and slid the door open, only to find that her teammates were calmly eating their breakfast, even Naruto for a change. However, she was a little disturbed at Naruto's lack of emotion. She was s used to him greeting her every morning that she felt uneasy about the whole situation.

'What happened to Naru...? Oh. Right...' She asked herself then remembered what had happened just last night. She supposed that she should ask for his forgiveness and say that she didn't mean to hurt him. She shook her head. 'No , not I should. I will. I must apologize.'

"Na-Naruto, about last night..." She trailed off, unable to finish what she had wanted to say. She had grabbed his arm involuntarily, prompting him to turn to look at her. What was on his face was not the look of curiosity that she had expected, no, it was something totally different, something really menacing in its own little way. She shivered unpleasantly as he turned to her, giving her a cold, empty, and totally fake smile, like the one Sai gave them when they first met the Root Corps boy.

"Yes, Haruno-san? What is it?" He asked her with fake joy in his words, shocking everyone in the room. Kakashi looked up from his book, eyes widening, and Yamato stopped eating, looking at the blonde in surprise. They had never heard Naruto speak that formally to Sakura before, or to anyone for that matter. Sai merely smiled, knowing what had transpired the night before.

"Ah, you see... that is... I mean... I... I..." Sakura meekly mumbled, shocked that Naruto still acted that way. She couldn't speak, afraid that he might take it the wrong way. Her legs gave way and she dropped down to the floor. Naruto turned to her, his face still as emotionless as before.

"Haruno-san, if you have something to say, I suggest you say it now. I still have to pack my things. So, if you have nothing else to say, you could let go of my arm Haruno-san." Sakura did as she was told, prompting the boy to smile at her. A fake, polite smile. "Thank you Haruno-san."

Naruto packed his things up calmly, the fake smile never leaving his face. Sakura sat there in a daze, her mind unable to process the events that had just transpired. She never expected Naruto to become that way. She always thought that Naruto will try and try to get her attention, no matter how much she turns him down.

He was always...there.

And now...

Now...

She felt... lonely.

Which was completely illogical to her, considering she was in love with 'Sasuke-kun.' She had no feelings for Naruto whatsoever aside from platonic friendship, and that was only when he didn't act like an idiot.

She did not like him that way one bit. She only had eyes for Sasuke-kun. She loved Sasuke-kun.

Didn't she?

Even Sakura couldn't answer that question. There was an emptiness within her. Like she was... incomplete...

She only felt like this once before, back when Sasuke left Konoha. Now, it was repeating again. She was feeling empty and lonely. Her eyes widened.

'I cannot, should not be thinking like this! Naruto is just a friend! A friend! I only like Sasuke-kun! Just Sasuke-kun!' She shouted inside her head gripping her hair, not noticing that she really was gripping her head in real life. Kakashi and Yamato looked at her weirdly and scooted away from the pink haired girl.

'I do not like Naruto!' She screamed in her head over and over and over again. When she got that in her head memorized, she let out a sigh. She should be happy, really. Naruto gave up on her already. She should be rejoicing right now.

So why did she feel so wrong?

**(Break is supposed to go here.)**

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief as he went to fix his things. He was having a hard time dealing with the fact that he had been rejected for the umpteenth time in his life, and from the same girl, no less. He was extremely pissed, that was to be expected. He so wanted to rip her throat off and shout at her for being so goddamned stupid for continuing on loving that jerk, but he decided to let it go. Who was he anyway to force her to make decisions?

'I don't own her. I probably never will. I knew from the start that I and her getting together was more of a romantic day dream than a real possibility. I've been making myself believe that someday she'll have a change of heart. Guess it's time to go on and try to move on with my life. I'll only hinder my life if I keep going on like this.'

Naruto sighed, resigning himself to the inevitable. He finished up packing his bag and went to the lobby. Once he was there, he saw his teammates waiting for him there. He smiled politely at them and they nodded at him. They set out on the road to Konoha.

Kakashi, Yamato and Sai had decided that they would leave the two alone to their own devices, figuring it would be better than facing the Kyuubi or Sakura's fists. They didn't want to pressure Naruto especially, since the boy has already had too much on his back, not to mention his part-time job. The rest of the return Journey was spent in silence, since nobody really knew what to say. They were back to Konoha just before dusk, finishing their reports by evening.

Sakura handed over theri reports to Tsunade, waiting for the reaction of the Hokage. Tsunade was pleased with the results of the mission, that much she could say, but there was a little bit of worry on her face. Sakura dismissed it as nothing and just waited for what the Hokage was about to say.

"Good job on the mission. However, there seems to be a complaint from the inn you stayed at." Tsunade started, but was cut-off by Kakashi and Yamato.

"Ah, it was our fault Tsunade-sama. Me and Kakashi got drunk and took a peek at the women's onsen there."

"Yeah, and we also tried to re-enact some of the scenes from icha-icha paradise." Kakashi affirmed. Tsunade raised her brows, unsure what to do, until she saw Kakashi wink at her. Understanding dawned. Realizing that the two wanted to talk to her, she coughed a little to signal to the two that she already got the message.

"I see. Then, I will have to ask the both of you to stay behind a little so that we could talk about the proper punishment for your actions. The rest of you, dismissed." Tsunade waited for the other three to get out before speaking to the two adults. "Okay, so what's this about?"

"Well, it's about our group..." Kakashi started.

"What about it?"

"We were hoping you wouldn't give us missions for the next week or so."

"What!?" Tsunade looked at Kakashi incredulously."Why should I?"

"Well, you see, Sakura's been spacing out lately, and Naruto's... well, he's different. You did notice, right?"

"Actually, yeah. I was expecting him to shout at me for taking so long, and he didn't call me 'Tsunade-obasan' at all. He was very formal. I thought he was on a bet or something."

"According to Sai, Naruto and Sakura had a big fight, well actually, Naruto got mad at Sakura for some reason and he hasn't been the same since last night." Yamato told the two.

"So? Naruto is still human." Tsunade countered.

"Naruto's flat-out ignoring Sakura. And when he does talk to her, it's as if she's just an acquaintance, not a friend he knows for so many years." Kakashi said.

"Naruto? C'mon, you must be joking. Naruto's too kind-hearted for that kind of stuff."

"Even heroes bleed, Hokage-sama." Kakashi stated, making the other two shut up and contemplate on the relevance and truthfulness of Kakashis' words. "A boy could only take so much rejection. He may be Jiraiya's protégé, but he's still Naruto. He can't bounce back all the time like Jiraiya, Kyuubi or no Kyuubi."

"I guess you're right. Okay, it's decided then. I'll give you a five days to try and help Naruto and Sakura patch their indifferences."

"Thanks Hokage-sama, although I don't think five days will be enough." Yamato said, bowing to the Sannin.

**(There's a break here, though you can't really see it.)**

Sakura followed Naruto after they were dismissed by the Hokage. She followed Naruto towards his usual haunt, the Ichiraku ramen stand. She saw him go towards it and followed him in, but stopped short when, instead of entering, he turned around to face her.

"Haruno-san, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, Naruto, haha, fancy meeting you here." Sakura said nervously, praying that the boy will drop the subject.

"Haruno-san, I know you've been following me around from the time we left the Hokage's office. May I ask why?"

"Listen, Naruto, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, will you please forgive me?"

"Hmm? Whatever do you mean Haruno-san? I don't recall anything happening yesterday." Sakura was speechless. She just opted to cover her mouth and run back to her house.

Naruto, on the other hand, just shrugged his shoulders and proceeded inside, ignoring the looks he was receiving from the people inside, namely Shikamaru, Neji, Lee, Chouji, and Kiba. The blonde boy either ignored them, or just didn't notice his friends. There was silence inside the shop before the cook approached Naruto to take his orders.

"Naruto! Long time no see!" The cook, Teuchi-san, greeted Naruto, Naruto looked at the man and laughed.

"Sure has been a long time Teuchi-san! I didn't think I can survive longer without your ramen!" Naruto exclaimed, to which Ayane, Teuchi's daughter laughed.

"But you've been here just two dyas ago!"

"Ah, was it? It felt like two years!" Naruto said and laughed heartily. The others, however, saw through his ruse, knowing that Naruto only used that kind of laugh when he was feeling really bad.

Shikamaru coughed, getting Naruto's attention. The genius frowned at the boy, not believing the blonde's act. Shikamaru muttered something under his breath, which the others immediately translated as him saying troublesome.

"Naruto, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what Shikamaru? Eating ramen?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"I don't. What do you mean?"

"Dammit Naruto! We all know that something happened." Shikamaru gritted his teeth in annoyance."First you wave off Sakura, and now you try to play it off as if you were fine. What the fuck happened?"

"Nothing happened, honest to god." Naruto said, raising his right hand in exaggeration.

"Sure, and I am the most active person alive." Shikamaru was about to push it further when Naruto's food was served. Naruto smiled appreciatively at the old man before turning back to his friends.

"Look, it's not that I don't want to talk about it. It's just, I can't talk about it yet."

Shikamaru felt his anger lessen, grudgingly accepting Naruto's excuse. He got back to his food and dropped the subject until it was needed to be raised again. Naruto, noticing this, smiled at his friend, silently thanking him for his understanding.

**(Break was supposed to go here.)**

Sakura ran as fast as she could towards her apartment, her tears falling like water from a broken dam. She didn't care who saw her. All she cared about was getting to the comforts of her own room. She didn't understand herself why she was crying. 'I mean, it's just Naruto, right? So why am I crying? He's just a friend.'

Sakura told herself over and over again, but it wasn't working. All she felt was a deep heart-wrenching pain. She couldn't fathom why she even really cared. She should be happy that Naruto gave up on her already.

"He gave up... on... me..." She whispered to herself. She suddenly felt her heart clench tightly.

She cried herself to sleep that night, Naruto still haunting her even in her dreams.

**(break here)**

_I feel like I've lost everything when you're gone. _

_Left remembering what it's like, _

_To have you here with me. _

_I thought you should know, _

_You're not making this easy. _

_I never thought I'd be the one to say, _

_Please don't, well please don't leave me._

**(break)**

**A/N:** I'll try to update as soon as I can. So, in the mean time, click that button and send in your thoughts. **Promise **by **Matchbook Romance  
**


	3. Hurt

**A/N: **The long... unanticipated... non-thrilling next chapter to my story. I create the alternate-ish universe here, so complain all you want about some of the ... disturbing things you might read here... You have been warned. Now, read, and head to your doom... (Insert evil maniacal laughter here... Koff... Koff)

**Disclaimer: **This wouldn't be a fanfic if I could draw as good as Kishimoto, now would it? Plus, this would probably be the story If I had the ownership of the whole Naruto Franchise.

**Caution: **Contains angst. Not recommended for self-loving narcissist, who would care less if the Naruto died. Sympathizers, have your first aid kit ready, some scenes are too angsty, you might just cut yourself. Maybe.

(Break was here... I think.)

Naruto rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he got up from his bed. He scratched his stomach as he walked towards the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He dressed himself in a black shirt and some jeans before heading out. He'd just get a sandwich on a store on his way.

Naruto felt a little excited, since he was going to see Jiraiya again. He hasn't seen the old pervert in a few months, so he was really happy. Sure, the old geezer usually made more harm than good, but he was a grandfather-figure of sorts to the teen.

Naruto hummed his latest song absent-mindedly, making his way to the meeting place, which was one of Jiraiya's apartments. He barged in the room, expecting the Sannin to be leering at a porn magazine or something. What he saw was burned in his mind's eye, and he almost puked. He regained himself and took a picture at the spectacle that was transpiring right before his eyes.

The Toad Sannin's eyes widened when he saw Naruto in the door way, doubly so when he saw Naruto pull out his phone and take a picture. Only one thing crossed his mind that moment. 'Shit.'

Not one to disappoint, Naruto did what naturally comes next.

"I knew you were 'supposedly' a Casanova even by your looks, but... damn."

"Naruto..." Jiraiya said with venom laced in his voice.

"Yo, granny, I didn't think you would be doing this. And with Jiraiya too!"

"Shut up Naruto. Breathe one word of this and I'll have the whole of Konoha on your ass." The Slug Sannin, blushing furiously, threatened. (A/N: OMFG!! Who here didn't see that coming!? I didn't!)

"Touchy. Actually, I was thinking you two look great." Naruto said, much to the delight of the two. That is, until he said his next line. "For two old people, that is."

The Two Sannin's killing intent filled the room. They were about to pounce on the blonde when he showed them the picture. The two immediately stopped in their attempt, but still grumbled.

"So, what brings you here Naruto? You aren't gonna beg Jiraiya to train you some more, are you?" Tsunade asked after calming down.

"Oh, right, you didn't know about Naruto's little job."

"Job?" Tsunade asked to no one in particular. The boy took it as his cue to explain.

"You see granny, Ero-sennin here didn't just train my mind and body, he actually taught me some other stuff!"

"Other... stuff?" Tsunade echoed as she cracked her knuckles.

"No, nothing like 'that'. Although he did try to teach me that." Naruto said, saving his Sensei from a few bruises. "He taught me plenty stuff, like writing books, cooking, you know, stuff like that."

"He taught you to write books!?"

"Uhh, yeah. I helped finish his newest icha-icha novel. My name was on the back, well my pen name actually." He reached for an icha-icha book that was lying randomly below the coffee table, showing the name 'Minakaze Naru.'

"He... Taught You... To Write... Porn!?" Tsunade said as she glowered at the other Sannin.

"No, I taught him how to write stories. Turns out he has a dirtier mind than me, that's why I let him help me write my novel. He wrote several articles for the 'Ninja Times' magazine, you know."

"Yeah, and did you know Jiraiya knows how to play a musical instrument?"

"What instrument?"

"He plays a guitar, he even taught me!"

"Oookay... We're getting a little bit off topic here. So Naruto, why'd you want to see me so suddenly?" Jiraiya said.

"Oh, yeah, I've got a new song, two new songs actually."

"Really? Well, let's hear it." Jiraiya told his student.

"Wait, why are you telling Jiraiya?"

"Well, I gotta tell my manager slash producer, right?"

"Well, yeah...!! You mean he's your manager slash producer?"

Naruto shook his head and just prepared to play his song. He took out the scroll he used to keep the guitar in and started playing the two songs he spoke about. (**A/N:** For the first song, please refer to chapter 1, 'cause putting it up here again will be redundant. As for the other one...)

"I think it'll be better if I used an electric guitar, but we'll make do for now." Naruto announced to his audience. (Which were Tsunade and Jiraiya.) He started plucking the strings and started singing.

_I never said I'd lie in wait forever_

_If I died, we'd be together now_

_I can't always just forget her_

_But she could try_

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I, should I_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever, ever, ever_

_Get the feeling that you're never_

_All alone and I remember now_

_At the top of my lungs, in my arms she dies_

_She dies_

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I, should I_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I, should I_

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

_If I fall_

_If I fall (down)_

Tsunade looked in awe at the boy. She never imagined that Naruto could have some skill beyond those of ninjutsu. Jiraiya smiled as he saw Tsunade enraptured by Naruto's singing.

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I, should I_

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna_

"Those were really nice songs! If I didn't know better, I'd say I heard you on the radio already. No, I'm sure I've heard one of your songs." Tsunade said as she shook the teenager.

"Well of course you did! He is the top music artist in Konoha right now. You do know the name 'Minakaze Mikura' right? I'm sure you've heard it on the radio, or from someone from the tower, I imagine one of your helpers, or one of the younger ninjas." Jiraiya said as he showed a picture of a guy who had blonde hair pinned down by clips some glasses over mismatching eyes, one blue, one red, wearing a denim froufrou jacket over a black shirt with a white swirl on the center, black pants and some red and black sneakers while holding a black electric guitar. (**A/N: **Hmmm... Emo Naruto... Hmmm... is nice! )

"Wait, you're _the_ Mikura!? But you look nothing like him!" Tsunade said as she compared the picture with Naruto.

"Of course he doesn't. Could you imagine the chaos it will bring **if **the whole village knew Mikura's, or Naruto's, true identity? What do you think they'd do?" Jiraiya rationalized. The Slug Sannin nodded, understanding the point.

"But still... Shit Naruto, you look way much better in this picture."

"Thanks, I get that a lot." Naruto said with sarcasm dripping in his voice.

"No, really. Anyways, so what'd you think?" Naruto asked Jiraiya. The Sannin laughed.

"Well what do you think?" Naruto looked darkly at Jiraiya. Jiraiya just smiled, making Naruto angrier with him.

"Why the hell can't you just say yes or no?"

"Ah, well. You know me. I just luuurrvve playing mind games with you."

"Aw shaddup. When are we recording?"

"I don't know. I'll call you when I get the details. So, where you off to now?"

"I don't really have anything planned right now, so maybe I'd just get some Ramen and then go home and write songs. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Just checking."

"Huh? Whatever. See ya later Ero-sennin, Granny!" Naruto yelled as he exited, leaving the two sannin alone. Tsunade's face scrunched up in a look of concern and pity for the boy.

"It's... worse than I thought. I knew Naruto held his sadness inside himself all this time... but, I never thought it was to the degree that he could fake a smile and make it look so... believable."

"That's not the worst of it. I've heard him plenty of times cry himself to sleep during our trip. He may be persistent, but... everyone's got their limits. I just never thought Naruto would reach his... Poor kid...After all he's been through... I guess happiness just happens to a select few." Jiraiya said, obviously pitying the boy. "He's suffered enough as it is..."

"I know..."

(Break was here. Maybe. Or was it?)

Naruto wandered around town after he left Jiraiya's pad. He wasn't really hungry so instead of going to Ichiraku, he just went and had a stroll.

He thought about his life so far, immediately wincing as he did.

'My life's... fucked up. That's the best summary I could come up with. Heh, even Kiba's dog has it better than me.' He thought, smiling grimly at the point he has shown himself. 'All I ever wanted was a little love... Guess love just isn't my kind of dish.'

He asked himself why he asked in the first place. He knew even before he asked that he'd be rejected, again, for the nth time. So why? Why bother hurting himself?

'I'm just a martyr, a masochist even. I mean, promising her that I'd do anything for her? I guess I really am stupid. I just wish that... for once... maybe just once... she could've given me a chance... I'm not asking for much... just a few dates...' He smiled melancholically at himself. 'Hahaha... Yeah 

right... as if she'd ever give me a chance... She's sooo hung-up on Sasuke that she purposely ignored the fact that Sasuke came back with a girlfriend in tow...'

'...I'm thinking too much like a girl... Hehehehe...' He laughed hollowly inside his head. '...Ahahaha... I'm way in over my head... the chance of me and her together... will just have to live inside my head... in my dreams... where I can't be a burden to anyone anymore... I'll just play house with my imagination...'

He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard someone call his name.

"Yo, Naruto!" Naruto turned around and saw Shikamaru, Kiba and Chouji.

"Yo." He smiled, putting on his smile. He knew that they wouldn't be able to see through it. "Where are you three going?"

"We were just about to go get some ramen, wanna join us? It's my treat." Shikamaru asked his friend.

"Nah, I got some work to do. Maybe some other time?"

"...Sure man. Catch you later." Shikamaru said, before waving to Naruto. 'Something is wrong with Naruto. I mean, Naruto? Refusing FREE ramen? He only does that when... Oh...Shit.'

(Break here, sadly.)

Sakura woke up, her eyes blood shot, tear streaks riding down her face. She looked better when she was sick. She didn't even know what to do anymore. 'Maybe I'll talk to Ino. She'll understand.'

She got up and did her early morning routines, but it was painfully slow and lifeless. Sakura phoned her friend as soon as she was finally dressed. She waited for a few seconds before the other end picked up.

"Hello? Yamanaka Residence, Ino speaking."

"Hey, Ino-pig..."

"Hey forehead, what's up?"

"Can you come here today? I really need to talk to someone right now. Please?"

"Well... okay. I'll be there in about half an hour. Want me to call everyone else?"

"Y...yeah. That'd be nice. And Ino?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"No problem, Sakura."

(Break here.)

**A/N: **What could I say? Misery luuurves me, so much it gives me inspiration. Well, sort of. Sad songs do help. Anyways...

_**What will happen next? What did Shikamaru mean? Who is Sasuke's mystery squeeze? Why Am I asking you (of all people)? Tune in next chapter to find out! Shocking observations and truths with no base whatsoever!**_

...Oh, yeah, before I forget, review the story people. The story gets better with reviews, you know. And as usual, constructive criticism and flames will all be accpeted, but ignored at the same time. (except constructive criticism.) Song was **Ghost of you **by **My Chemical Romance.**


	4. Reasons

**A/N: This is the next (obviously) chapter. Hope ya enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: **Naruto would have already been laid if I did own him.

(Unnecessary break is supposed to be placed here.)

Sakura waited patiently for her friends to arrive, wishing, praying that they can help her with her current predicament. She didn't know what else to do. What can she do? She messed things up, big time.

So what do you do when you smash someone's hopes and dreams?

She didn't know. She wished she could turn back time, so she could correct what she did. But she couldn't. It was impossible, like taking back what you said. 'And I'm supposed to be the smart member of Team 7. What a joke.'

She finally figured out just last night that she didn't really love Sasuke the way she thought she did. What she felt for the raven-haired Uchiha was nothing more than admiration for a childhood friend, an older brother even, but nothing else. It was a childhood crush, just like Hinata's crush on Naruto. She had cleared things up with the once-bitter Uchiha (who did a total 360 after Itachi was beaten and got himself a girlfriend) and the boy understood, saying he knew it all along. Heck, she was even friends with the boy's squeeze, but that was mainly because they worked in the same field, and that they shared many different ideas. (like how to make a boy squirm without actually touching or suggesting, verbally, anything.)

She also understood, that she really did have feelings for Naruto. She was just blinded before. Well, who wouldn't? The Hokage-aspirant was the all-around lovable guy. Anybody who had half a brain could see that.

She was tempted to go out of her house and rush to the blonde's house when she heard her doorbell ring. Remembering that she had invited her friends over to help her deal with her problem, she settled down and shouted that she was coming, deciding it was way better to talk to Naruto with a plan than just rush there recklessly.

"Took you long enough forehead girl!" Ino shouted standing in front of Hinata, Tenten, and their newest addition to the group, Karin. The people behind just sweat-dropped at the girl's antics.

"Whatever, Ino-pig. Come on in."

Once they were all settled in inside and the necessary things were prepared (**A/N: **You know, stuff. Girl Stuff. Girl's sleepover stuff. Get it?) Ino decided to break the ice.

"So, Sakura, what did you need us for?"

"Ooooh! It isn't to do with my Sasuke is it?" Karin asked, eyeglasses flashing, threatening the pink-haired girl.

"No, don't worry about that. Hasn't Sasuke told you yet?" Sakura said, appeasing the red-haired girl effectively.

"Just checking. But if you do...!"

"Oh, stop it you two." Ino said. "We're veering off topic here. We're here to talk about Sakura's problem."

"Well?" Tenten queried.

"Ah, you see, this is..." Sakura muttered, making the others suspicious.

"Oh, I know what this is about!" Hinata said, her finger raised, as if she just lit a bulb in her mind. (**A/N: **The one where a character realizes something. That kind of finger thingy.)

"You do?" Everyone, including Sakura, asked.

"Yep. Ki-chan told me yesterday. He saw it with his own eyes."

"Saw what?... wait... Who's this "Ki-chan"?" Tenten asked.

"Kiba. He saw Naruto and Sakura yesterday, well Naruto being tailed by Sakura. He was with Shikamaru, Neji, Lee, and Chouji."

"Shikamaru was there!?" Ino looked at the Hyuuga incredulously. "Ohh... that lazy ass is gonna receive such a verbal beating when I see him."

"Neji was there!?" Tenten smirked evilly, thinking up of new ways to torture the genius.

"We're really getting off topic here..." Karin reminded them, making the two stop. She turned to Sakura. "Well?"

"So... so you've heard..." the girl mumbled.

"And? What do you say about it?" Ino urged her friend to continue.

"It's... true... and that's really why I needed to talk to you guys."

"Well, indulge us. We're all ears."

"O...Okay. Well, it started off like this..."

--at the same time(or meanwhile)--

Naruto trudged back to his apartment, intent on resting and just plain wallowing in self-pity. He was supposed to be used to this stuff, dammit! Why can't he bounce back now?

'It's not like she's the only girl in the world, right?' Naruto repeated this thought to himself, until he almost believed it himself. Almost. 'Heh, who am I kidding... I'll just crawl up in my own hole and die... hahaha... as if... that kyuubi will let me... jerk.'

He climbed up the stairs and went to his flat, taking out his keys and opening his room. He took off his shoes and headed for his bed. Once his bed was in front of him, he promptly collapsed, shutting himself off from the world. He didn't notice the eyes that peered from outside s window.

--at the same time—

"This is worst than you thought it was." Shikamaru stated blankly. Kakashi and Yamato blinked.

"Really? How much worse?" Kakashi asked.

"Really really worse."

"How so?"

"He refused free ramen. He REFUSED. FREE. RAMEN."

"...Shit. That bad?" Kakashi knew what Shikamaru meant. Ramen was one of Naruto's ultimate joy. Him refusing must mean he was really hurt.

"Yep."

"So what do we do about it."? Yamato asked his two companions.

"There's only one thing we can do."

"What?"

"We need to make her see what she's done."

"How?"

"Meet me at Yakiniku Q this evening, about 7."

"Anything else?"

"No, just don't be late, you two."

(Break is here. Or was it was? I can't even remember.)

Shikamaru arrived at the front of the designated place 10 minutes late knowing that the two will have just arrived there. He was right, as usual. He would have smirked at the two if they weren't doing a mission, but he couldn't, considering the crisis at hand. Yamato and Kakashi merely nodded at him and they immediately headed towards their destination.

--Meanwhile (around 6:45 pm)(flashback, in a way.)—

Naruto opened his eyes and sat down on his bed. He looked out his window and saw that it was already nighttime. He contemplated the thought of going out to Ichiraku to get some food, but decided against it, seeing that he wasn't really hungry.

Knowing nothing better to do, he went to his kitchen and got out a can of beer from his refrigerator and a glass with ice. He walked to his couch, beer can in hand, and sat down, opening the beverage in the process and pouring some for himself. He took a long gulp, effectively cutting the contents in half, before bringing down the glass.

He reached for the remote control of his stereo and turned it on, instantly regretting it, but having no heart to turn it off. The song playing was one of his older ones, one of those he made on the road.

He laughed bitterly as he stood up and got something from his cupboard. He smiled insanely (**A/N: **Not the happy one, mind you, but the insane insane kind, the one people who're turning crazy smile.) as he felt the bottle. He brought it to the table where his glass was and poured himself a shot.

_Staring at the glass in front of me_

_Is it half empty?_

_Have I ruined all you've given me?_

_I know I've been selfish_

--(Flashback ends here.)--

Shikamaru, Yamato, Kakashi, Sasuke, who they saw there as they got there, Neji, and Sai watched him drown himself in alcohol, worried looks crossing their faces. They now know they had underestimated the problem. Shikmaru nodded at Neji and Sasuke, all three knowing what to do.

"Kakashi-san, please put this on so we can monitor Naruto's behavior. This is relatively new equipment. Hokage-sama told me to let you do some… field testing with it." And with that, Shikamaru left with the other two. Kakashi, Sai, and Yamato fixed the equipment, a miniscule camera, onto their head protectors.

_I know I've been foolish_

But look through that and you will see

_That I'll do better_

_I know, baby I can do better_

--Meanwhile--

Sakura finally managed to tell the whole story to her friends, after breaking into tears every three sentences or so. The story took a good deal of the whole day and it was already nighttime. The girls engaged in a group hug, knowing it could help Sakura feel a lot better.

"Thanks for listening, you guys."

"No problem. We're your friends, remember?"

"Sooo... What now?"

"Hmm...?"

"What will you do? Will you tell him?"

"I… I don't know. That's partly the reason, well; the actual reason I called you here. I had hoped that my friends could help me. I--" Sakura never got to finish as she was cut-off by Shikamaru from her open window.

"Well that's fine and dandy isn't it?" Shikamaru glared at the pink-haired medic, vehemence in his voice, before turning to the other two who were at his back, signalling them to hook-up the transmitter to the television in the room.

Ino, Tenten, and Karin knew now was not the time to get lovey-dovey with their beaus as this was a totally serious time. As Neji and Sasuke fumbled with the transmitter, Shikamaru spoke.

"Have you any idea how stupid you are? Have you ever thought how much you hurt him?" Sakura meekly shook her head, not knowing how or what to answer. "Well, you're about to find out."

As if on cue, Neji and Sasuke finished with the transmitter and stood back to show the girls what the shadow user had meant. The girls gasped. They knew Naruto will take some things badly, but they never thought it would be _this _bad.

"Do you see, Sakura? Do you see how much you've hurt him this time?" Shikamaru said to the medic. "I assume you thought Naruto wouldn't take it this badly, didn't you?"

The girl didn't answer as she watched in total horror what the blonde was doing to himself. Naruto was drinking alcohol, but that wasn't what got to her. What got to her was the fact that Naruto had drunk not just two, but five different kinds of alcoholic drinks with other Naruto shadow clones.

"Do you see it? Naruto absolutely hates alcohol. I know for a fact that Naruto only drinks when he is seriously very fucking pissed. He only drinks it when he wants to forget." Shikamaru explained to the others. " There's only one other thing that signals that he has gone far over pissed, that he has lost all hope. Be thankful it hasn't escalated to… Oh god."

The boys watched in silence as they saw what Naruto was doing now, knowing all to well what the blonde was going to do. The girls merely looked, not really having a clue as to what was happening.

"W—what's he doing?" Ino asked, her curiousity piqued by the fact that her boyfriend looked horrified by what he was seeing. The other girls looked at the shadow-user, wanting to know, too.

"Ha—have you ever wondered why Naruto wears that jumpsuit even though it's freaking hot?"

"Y—yeah. Why?"

"Well, you're about to find out why he does."

Ino looked puzzled, but returned her eyes to the screen. She instantly regretted it.

There she saw Naruto holding something. He was holding a black knife, but that wasn't the worst part. They saw Naruto take off his jacket and they saw his arm. It had scars over it, not that many, but it was still shocking. Naruto held the knife and started cutting himself, the scars opening and blood flowing out.

_If you leave me tonight_

_I'll wake up alone_

_Don't tell me I will make it on my own_

_Don't leave me tonight_

_This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies_

_If you leave me tonight_

--Back to Naruto--

Naruto relished the feeling of pain on his arm. He knew it was bad for his health for doing this, but it was… calming… in a way. He sat down again and drank some more. He heard the Kyuubi howl inside him. He just laughed.

'**Oi! This isn't funny!'**

'Yeah it is.'

'The fuck do you think you're doing, brat? I can't keep doing this every time you're depressed.'

'Yeah you can.Unless you want me to die.'

'**Dammmit! When I get out of here, I will kill you slowly!'**

'Sure, whatever.'

And the conversation ended as soon as it started. He sighed. He knew there were better ways to get rid of his emptiness, but he couldn't care less. 'At least… I still know I'm alive'

Although he tried hard not to, He thought of Sakura. Her face, her smile, her hair, her eyes… her eyes that shone with scorn for him. He laughed bitterly. He reminisced about the time when they were on missions, the times when he would sneak glances at her, knowing she can't see what he was doing, especially when everyone else's was sleeping.

'_I still remember the dreams I have every time I do that…'_

_Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping_

_I listen to your breathing_

_Amazed how I somehow managed to_

_Sweep you off of your feet girl_

_Your perfect little feet girl_

--Sakura's Home—

Sakura watched in horror, not believing that she had pushed Naruto to this. She knew Naruto had to vent out his sadness, but she didn't think he'd go to lengths such as this.

"Wh-why is he doing that?" Hinata asked.

"H--He does that to affirm to himself that he's still alive. It's his way to remind himself that he's still in reality." Neji answered his cousin.

"Naruto… once told me the real reason why he gets up even after getting beat up…" Sasuke started. Everybody turned to look at the Uchiha. "It's not because of his nindo… as far as I know, that's a load of bull… The real reason is… he knows… that there are worse pains… He knows that a few bruises here and there… can never compare to the pain of having a gaping hole in your heart…"

Sakura was stricken. Knowing nothing better to do, she headed out towards Naruto's house.

_I took for granted what you do_

_But I'll do better_

_I know, baby I can do better_

_If you leave me tonight_

_I'll wake up alone_

_Don't tell me I will make it on my own_

_Don't leave me tonight_

_This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies_

_If you leave me tonight_

--Naruto—

'I'm such a martyr… Heh… imagine loving her for so long… even though I knew a snowball had a bigger chance to survive in hell than me winning he affections… And yet… here I am. I'll probably repeat this cycle in a few months time… Heh… They were right… I am an idiot.'

_And don't you know_

_My heart is pumping_

_Oh, it's putting up a fight_

_And I've got this feeling_

_That everything's alright_

_Don't you see_

_I'm not the only one for you_

But you're the only one for me

_If you leave me tonight_

_I'll wake up alone_

Sakura jumped from rooftop to rooftop, rushing towards Naruto's house, wanting to fix things. She just hoped she wasn't too late.

If you leave me tonight

_I'll wake up alone_

_Don't tell me I will make it on my own_

_Don't leave me tonight_

_This heart of stone will sink 'til it dies_

_If you leave me tonight_

_Don't leave me tonight_

_(Stay Close, Don't Go)_

Sakura arrived at Naruto's doorstep. She knocked on the door, praying that she could still undo the wrongs she had done. The door was opened and her eyes widened.

"Haruno-san. What are you doing here?" Naruto asked her, hostility evident in his voice.

(Break here, I suppose.)

**A/N: **Uh-oh. Cliffhanger. This chapter took a whole lot longer than I had anticipated, cause, well, it's long isn't it? This has got to be the longest chapter I have ever posted in one of my stories, I guess there's a first for everything. I'm sorry if I made Naruto too... 'emo-ish' but hey, as long as it works. Anyways, review and review. Flames(constructive criticism) are accepted, though they will have little to no effect on me.


	5. Still

**A/N:**Well, obviously, it's the next chapter to the story. Sorry it took so long, but school already started, so there. I won't really be updating regularly, but I'll try to update at least once a month. No promises though.

**Disclaimer:** Disclaimers were invented to remind authors that we will never own the anime, just some merchandise of it. And, if we did own it, why should we bother making fics? But, I sstill don't own Naruto. I wish though. Song's not mine too. **A New Tattoo **by **Urbandub.**

And now, on with the show!... or story... or fic... well.. whatever.

(Break is here. Or there. It's everywhere!)

The stereo that was playing in the background went unnoticed by the two. The song that was starting was ignored as they looked in each others eyes, their thoughts and events that happened between them subconciously flitted through their thoughts, but they paid no heed to them. There was still a pressing matter to attend to.

**Great moments they pass by  
If you're careless  
Desperately trying to speak the words  
Ive been wanting to say for a long time.  
Tongue tied, every time I try to talk to you  
In time, I'll find the right line.**

Sakura was shocked, to say the least. Sure, she saw the things happening via the camera, but seeing Naruto was way different. She was praying in her mind that the camera was just playing tricks on her, that they cast a genjutsu on her even, but she knew that it was all happening, and that she was the root of it.

**Caught a glimpse of you  
I tremble every time you walk by  
Hopelessly trying to find a way  
To be near you, to get near you.  
In my mind, plays thoughts of you all the  
time  
I'll find the right line**

His arm was bleeding profusely, which puzzled her, since he was the container of the kyuubi, and as such, he had increased regeneration that a few cuts like that should've healed immediately. She was snapped out of her reverie by a rather violent growl from the blonde.

**I'll bleed for you  
Like a new tattoo in my heart  
Youll stay permanent**

"Haruno-san, if you have nothing to say to me, I'd suggest that you go away now as I am doing something here." He said coldly and Sakura felt her heart clench. "I'm sure you've already seen what I was doing."

Sakura's eyes widened at that.

'_He knew he was being watched?'_ She thought _'Why didn't he react?'_

As if reading her thoughts, Naruto spoke.

"So that you can see that people change."

"W—what?"

"People change, Haruno-san. I change."

"I know that!"

"But deep in your mind, you still see me as the boy who never gives up. I know how you think. People think that about me all the time."

"…"

"…" Naruto turned around and was reaching his door knob to close his door when Sakura grabbed his arm.

**Am I too late now?  
Will I find a way to get to you somehow?  
Shes breaking me down again  
Shes breaking me down**

"N—Naruto…" She started but never got to finish. He turned to look at her, hurt and anger swimming up to his eyes.

"Well that's just it isn't it!? Just because I'm Naruto, I'm supposed to be always bloody fucking fine and dandy aren't I? Just because I'm Naruto!?"

"…N—No—"

"Don't bother lying. I can see it in your eyes. Heck, isn't that what you always do?"

Sakura felt anger at his last sentence and reacted on impulse, which was slapping him. Naruto was speechless at first but regained his composure.

"Well, isn't this a new development? How could have I seen that coming?" He asked, sarcasm dripping in his voice. Sakura put her hands over her mouth. She didn't mean to do it, but it was already a habit of hers. She was about to apologize when Naruto spoke again, softly this time, as if all his anger dissipated in an instant.

"Sa—Haruno-san… Don't make this any more harder than it is…"

"B—but…" She faltered and loosened the grip on his arm. Naruto took this chance to grab the door knob and attempt to close his door. Before he completely closed it, he spoke to her.

"I still love you…"

**I'll bleed for you  
Like a new tattoo in my heart  
Youll stay permanent**

"Wha—What?"

"Although I know I'll just get my heart trampled on, again, I'll say it to you again. I still love you, no matter what happens. I know you don't think me to be worthy of you, but that's just life, isn't it? Even if a snowball's got a whole lot more chance to survive in hell than I've got to make you love me. I'd probably stay this way for a long time, forever even.."

He closed the door on her, but not before flashing her one last smile. It wasn't his normal smile, though. It was a smile that showed her how much he's been through. A smile that was the compression of all the heartbreak, depression, sadness, dejection, melancholy, dejection, grief, despair, and unfulfilled dreams. It tore her apart to see him smile like that, and even more so when she realized she was the one who pushed him over the cliff when she was already teetering off it.

Her legs lost all the strength it has and she slumped to the floor, not even realizing she was crying already, but she made no move to wipe them. She wasn't even supposed to be the one who's crying..

Kakashi, who had heard everything with Yamato and Sai, approached Sakura and helped the girl back to her apartment.

**I'll bleed for you  
Like a new tattoo in my heart  
Youll stay permanent**

--Meanwhile—

The group inside Sakura's apartment watched intently what was happening in Naruto's apartment. Shikamaru had remembered that there was an audio function for the camera and had turned it on, just as Naruto opened his door.

They saw and heard all that was exchanged between the two. The girls had cried over what had happened, and approached their lovers who held them tenderly, thanking whoever it was up in heaven that blessed them.

Kiba, who had arrived a few minutes after Sakura left, urged Hinata to go home already. The same was done by Sasuke, Neji, and Shikamaru, but all the girls refused, knowing that their friend would need somebody to cry on. The boys understood and bid their goodbyes to their other half. They had some serious planning to do, and the girls understood.

Neji, Sasuke, Kiba, and Shikamaru decided that they should call the others, knowing full well that anything concerning Naruto has and can only be handled by the Rookie 9 and Neji's team. They had already sent word to the others to meet them to the one place they all went to when things like these happen. A bar.

--Back at Sakura's place—

Kakashi had dropped off Sakura, who was unconcious, a few minutes after the boys left, immediately leaving after, knowing what the boys were gonna do. The girls fussed over Sakura, knowing that their friend was probably in excruciating pain right now, and that she needed every help she can get. Seeing as their friend was still asleep, and as she was asleep, they can't get much resolution done, they decided to make light of what they just witnessed less than an hour ago.

"I don't understand it." Started Karin, her eyes focusing in the sleeping girl.

"We aren't any better than you." Ino said to the redhead.

"Well, I think that Naruto is really the worst off here." Tenten said, gaining a few approvals from her friends.

"What about Sakura? I think she's more affected here." Ino defended her best friend.

"Actually, I have to agree with Tenten here. I'm not saying this because I used to have a crush on the guy, but it's just… it's the truth."

"Elaboration was created for stuff like this, you know." Ino and Karin both said blandly, much to the chagrin of Hinata.

"I was getting to that. Anyways, think about it. Naruto sacrificed everything for her. He promised her something that would deviate him from his already skewed path to his dreams, all because of his promise to her."

"What?" The three chorused. Hinata resisted the urge to slap herself. Unbeknownst to them, Sakura was already concious, and was hearing their conversation.

"I mean, if He didn't love her as much as he did, he wouldn't have made such a haphazard promise to her. He could be a jounin already, heck, Hokage, even. He traded 3 years of his life just for the sake of getting stronger to keep his promise to her."

Sakura tensed. She hasn't thought of that before. She was so focused on getting Sasuke back then that the thought had not even crossed her mind. Naruto could be something more than he is. But he threw it all away for her. Just so he could make her happy.

She tried hard not to cry, but the tears won. Soon enough, sobs were racking her body too, and this didn't go unnoticed by her friends. Immediately, they went to her side and comforted her.

"I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry…" She kept repeating over and over. It took a few minutes before they got her to stop crying, but she was still whimpering.

"Ssshh… It's okay…" Ino comforted her bestfriend. Sakura embraced her friend tightly.

"No, no, it's not! I hurt him badly!"

"No, it's okay. He'll forgive you." Hinata interjected.

"No he won't!"

"He will… he loves you too much to stay angry at you…"

"But… but…"

"I think… I think it's time you learned about Minakaze Naru."

(Break is placed here to annoy you. Hahaha.)

**A/N: **Uh-oh, cliffhanger. Hahaha. What shocking truths will be revealed to Sakura? Why did Sasuke and Co. go to a bar? Why don't I have an idea? Why, again, am I asking you?

... Weird.

Anyways, hope ya enjoyed this chapter, as I did writing it. Or typing it. Or thinking it. Well, if you really did like it, and would want something in this story to go your way, I suggest you click that purple button near that drop-down menu that says submit review. I'll try to think about it and try putting it in this story, if it is good. No promises though. And as usual, review, review, review. Praises will be appreciated, constructive criticisms will be taken into consideration(not that there are that many.) And flames will be accepted but ignored. So there.


	6. Late Realizations

**A/N:** The next chapter. Sorry if it took so long, but, you know, the rigors of being a student. But I'll try to write faster, think faster, and just be darned faster. Anyways, click the purple(or is it periwinkle?) button at the bottom of the page. Reviews make us authors happy, and happy authors are fast authors. Well, not really, but hey, at least you can say you tried to help.

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own Naruto. **If I did, Sakura would have loved Naruto from the start (masked, of course, by her rage and fury), and Naruto would've kicked Sasuke's ass at the Valley of End, but hey, you can't have everything.

**Government Warning: **Cigarette smoking (or just smoking in general) is dangerous to your health. So does flaming people, because it produces smoke. So don't flame others! It won't matter anyway.

(Parentheses means that break is here. Obviously. Or is it?)

Naruto woke up earlier than usual. He looked at the chaos that was his living room and frowned. There were bottles of alcohol almost everywhere. He frowned some more before trudging towards the bathroom. Once inside, he went to the sink and washed his face, before staring at his reflection on the mirror. He looked as healhy as he was yesterday.

'Damn it. It's times like these that I wish I didn't have the Kyuubi's healing powers. At least the roaring hang over would have disturbed my thought processes.' He bitterly thought, and he swore he heard the Kyuubi snarl something.

He took a quick shower and got dressed in his usual outfit, before fastening his headband securely on his forhead. He exited his flat and went towards the Hokage tower. He knew what he had to do. There was only one logical choice. He'd have to leave the team.

(Break was. Is , and probably always will be, here.)

Sakura stared at nothingness. She hadn't slept at all, because it was too hard to digest. She could still remember the conversation she had with her friends.

(Flachback, Reminiscence, Call it whatever you want.)

"Minakaze Naru? The singer? That adorable hunk with te super cool sapphire blue eyes? He-who-must-be-praised? "Karin and Ino gushed, losing all sense of seriousness.

"_Yep, that's him."Hinata said, rolling her eyes at her friends' antics._

"_Well, what about him? What juicy piece of gossip do you have on him?" The two fan girls berated the Hyuuga._

"_Well…"_

"_Well what!? C'mon! The suspense is killing me!"_

"_Wait for it. This is going to be hard for you to digest."_

"_HINATA!"_

"_Well, here goes… Minakaze Naru… His real name and identity is… well…" The Hyuuga heiress said slowly, deliberately annoying the two fangirls._

"_Well!? What about him!? C'mon Hinata!!"_

"_Well, He…he's Naruto."_

"_..wait… did I just hear you right? Did you say what I think you did, but hoped you didn't say?"Ino said, shock, awe, disbelief and nothing short of confusion written on her face._

"_Yes I did. I just said that Minakaze Naru is the one and only Naruto."_

"_Well… that surely is something you don't get to know everyday." Tenten interjected, enjoying the crestfallen looks that crossed Ino and Karin's faces. _

"_That's nothing compared to this. Listen. I read in an interview that he wrote songs based on actual experiences. So.."_

"_The reason his songs are so sad… like a martyr in love in a romance novel… is because…"Tenten supplemented, her face full of pity for the boy. _

"_That's what I deduced." Hinata answered, not wanting her friend to finish that train of thought. _

_There was silence and Hinata dared to look at what Ino and Karin were doing. Ino was dumbfounded, mouth hanging open. And so was Karin. As if regaining her composure, Ino suddenly remembered something that Sakura, as her bestfriend and bestfriends were wont to do, told her._

"_Hey, I remember something you told me way back then!" Ino said, pointing her finger at the strawberry hair. The aformentioned girl looked bewildered for a second before blushing, remembering exactly what she told the platinum blonde._

"_Ino… please no…" She pleaded weakly, knowing all too well that her friend will never relent._

"_Oh, suck it up forehead.It's for your own good. Well anyways, she told me that she had this… well… she sadi she had a crush on Minakaze Naru, and that she had a better chance on having him kiss her than Naruto asking her out."_

_The silence that hung in the room was so thick that Hinata's byakugan was nearly rendered useless.The silence was broken when Karin spoke._

"…_shit. Now this… this I didn't expect. How messed up is that? I mean, you have a crush on somebody, who turns out to be someone who has a crush on you, and who you totally reject. My head is already spinning just from thinking about it. Damn. You DO have a problem. "_

"_Thanks. Like I don't know that already." Sakura answered, wanting to sound harsh, but came out in something like a tired resignation._

"_Well?" Ino said abruptly, making the pinkette look up at her friend._

"_Well what?"_

"_What are you going to do about this? Now that you know his secret, what will you do?"_

"_I guess… I guess I'll have to go make him sit down and make him talk to about this."_

"_That's the spirit! And… good luck, I guess…"_

_(end flashback.)_

Sakura, deciding that she needed to end all of this, got up and fixed herself up before heading out the door. She went straight to Naruto's flat.

Sahe hesitated a bit before knocking, squashing down the urge to turn away and run back to the comforts of her room. She hadprepared herself for the worse stuff Naruto might do, or say to her. She closed her eyes and expected to hear Naruto sigh, that sigh he had whenever he was sad.

It never came.

She opened her eyes and rapped on the door once more. Still, no one answered.

'_Where could he be?'_

(Break. Yes, here.)

She checked out all Naruto's usual haunts, but there was no sign of the man anywhere. She even went as far as doing what Naruto usually did, just to have a clue where he could be. She stayed at the Ichiraku for hours, but nothing from the lad.

She sighed and trudged towards the only place she knew that would give her good answers.

The Hokage Tower.

If one person will know where a ninja of Konoha is supposed to be, it will be none other than Godaime Hokage-sama.

Pumping chakra to her legs, she raced on towards the tower.

'Please, please let her know where he is.'

(Break, as annoying as it looks, is supposed to go here.)

Tsunade expected her student to arrive that day. She knew that Sakura would try to find Naruto sooner or later. She sighed before opening her window, allowing her student to enter unhindered. She waited for a few moments before speaking to the pinkette.

"I assume you're here to ask about Naruto?"

"Ye-yes. I am. How'd you know, shishou?"

"You are pretty popular, you know. People talk about you."

"Well? Do you know where he is shishou?"

"About that…"

"What about it?"

"Naruto… He… Naruto went out for a mission. An A-class mission even Kakashi AND Gai refused."

"Y-you mean..."

"Yes... Naruto's out on a mission... on a suicide mission..."

(Break here. and Cliffhanger. Nyahahaha.)

**A/N:** I just had to put a cliffhanger right there. Shortest chapter yet, but that doesn't mean I won't try better. Anyways, review, review. Click that button! Reviews are proven to make authors write faster, and better. This, I say, is based on no actual fact. Smoking kills, so flame me all you want, you'd die anyway.


	7. Do or Die Time Now

A/N: Yes, it was pretty evil of me to send Naruto on a suicide mission, but something tragic had to be done! It wouldn't be angsty if it was happy! Anyways, sorry for some loose ends in the story. Minakaze Naru is Naruto's stage name as a singer, and Minakaze Mikura is his pen name. And thank you for the reviews. They made me happier than seeing Sasuke get his ass handed over to him. And no, I'm not emo. Wish I was though. It would be so cool to be that thin!(Well, most emos I see ARE thin. SO Shaddup)

Disclaimer: No, for the nth time, I do not own Naruto. If I did, well, you already read my fic, so you'd know how it would've gone. (Cue creepy maniacal haunting laughter. And Haunted House Bgms.)

(Break, unfortunately, was put here.)

**The night belongs to us  
We're caught in a world of our own  
We cling to the hope it would change for us  
Is it in vain? Is it too late?  
Why did it have to be you than I.  
I heard the news today.**

Sakura shook her head in disbelief. Tears were flowing freely from her eyes, and she covered her moth, intercepting the scream she was sure was about to come out. She could not believe what Tsunade said.

"No… no…." was all she could say. There was nothing holding her back now, and she cried openly, and her mentor comforted her. She didn't know what to do. All she could think of was how it was all her fault, and what would she do if he died.

"I don't think… I'd be able to take it… if he died…'"She said through her tears, her voice coming out broken and choked. "He can't die… not now… not when I have to say to him that I love him…"

Tsunade could do nothing but try to comfort her student. She knew that Naruto is bound to break, and that he would hold anger somewhere in him, but she didn't expect, no she didn't want to admit that Naruto could, and would, hold a grudge this way.

'Naruto… Why the hell did you decide to do this now?'

(Not an emo. This is a break)

**Is this the beginning of our last dance?  
Once around the floor, can we do it again?  
I feel the thrill from words we say,  
I love you.**

Naruto jumped from tree branch to tree branch, silently cursing to himself.

The mission was classified A-class, and was already bordering on S, but it was nothing compared to the previous S-class missions he had. He finished the mission earlier, and he only got a few scratches. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, but he instantly regretted it, as memories of Sakura flooded back inside his mind. He felt his heart clench, and an indescribable pain surge throughout his body.

'Dammit, I thought this was a suicide mission!? How come I only got away with just a few scratches!?' He thought angrily, his eyes flickering from blue to red. He looked up to the sky before shouting.

"Dammit! Why the hell won't you just let me die!? Anything would be better than this!" He shouted loudly, not caring who or what heard him. "Can't you at least give me some peace? Any pain is better than this!"

And as if to infuriate him more, it started to rain.

**Embrace so much tighter  
This could be our last together  
Heaven sheds tears for the wounded hearts  
Our forever has been torn apart**

Naruto hated the rain. It had rained on almost all the saddest moments in his life. He knew what it stood for other people. It was a bath, a cleansing bath, cleaning the soul and the body. But Naruto viewed it differently.

He thought the rain were like tears, and it makes him remember all the tears he shed, for others, and for himself.

And of course… the tears in Sakura's eyes… the tears that were not for him… never be for him… never…

"Dammit, I'm supposed to be happy. I'm Naruto, dammit! I'm the unselfish, caring, friend… just… a… friend…" Naruto said to himself, laughing to himself, a cold, empty laugh.

He sped off towards Konoha, tears streaming from his eyes, unnoticed by him, because he was already dead.

Dead to the world.

And Sakura was the one who killed him

**Our vast religions  
Won't help us answer  
What was pre-destined for us to have  
Since long ago.  
It's hopeless **

(Break here. Because it's a new scene, or place.)

Tsunade held the body of Sakura, the girl having collapsed after the girl having collapsed after crying for over three hours. She cursed to herself at the thought of her helplessness in front of a crying Sakura.

'Naruto, what the hell do you think you're achieving by doing this?' Tsunade thought, out of anger and worry for the boy. She can't help but grudgingly understand the boy's motives for doing this. What would you do when you've got nothing left to live for?

The fifth Hokage couldn't help but let a few tears for her student and the boy he treated as a son as Sakura whimpered his name in her sleep, tears of her own rolling over her cheeks.

**The world it turns with us  
Hold me in closer, don't let go of me  
Now we close our eyes and let go to the night  
The night we feel alive.**

"Tsu--Tsunade-sama! You have to come, quick!" shouted a frightened looking Shizune burst through the Hokage's door.

"What is it?" Tsunade asked her, picking Sakura up and seating her on a chair. Her appearance was relatively neutral, knowing that nothing could ever surprise or frighten her now. She was quick to reconsider that, however, when she heard what her elder apprentice had to say. She didn't even feel Sakura stir from her sleep and wake up slightly.

"It's Naruto… he's returned… and badly wounded."

**Is this the beginning of our last dance?  
Once around the floor, can we do it again?  
I feel the thrill from words we say,  
I love you.**

**A/N:** Yes, I know it's a poor use of my talent, as compared to my other chapters, but hey, we can't all be Shakespeare! And yes, sorry for the short chapter, but doesn't it just make you want to know what will happen next more?. Anyway, yes, again, I am not emo, and I will try to update as much as possible, but don't expect too much, due to my constricted schedule. Reviews are appreciated, and flames will, as always, be accepted but ignored.


	8. Death is the Only Absolute Freedom

**A/N: **As promised in the previous chapter, I tried to update much sooner, but I think that's more due to the wave of depression washing over me right now. (Or probably because of listening to too much depressing music. *koff*urbandubmatchbookromancesecondhandserenademychemicalromancesongs*koff*) So here, enjoy another chapter of the really morbidly fascinating exploits(episodes, really) of an extremely depressed (with a little dash of suicidal) Naruto.

Disclaimer: Yeah, I still don't own Naruto. (But I can feel Kishimoto budging. He's going to give me Naruto any day now, I just know it!)

(Ignore the parentheses above, The Author's being delusional again. Probably didn't take his meds)

**(Preeeviiioussssllliii on AND I TRY)**

**(Fleshbeck)**

"_**It's Naruto… he's returned… and badly wounded."**_

**(Break means the chapter has started)**

Sakura's eyes widened at the information. She couldn't, no, wouldn't, believe what she just heard. Shizune had to be lying, she had to be! Naruto is one of the most indestructible people in the land! Shizune had to be joking!

But one look at Shizune's countenance was enough to break down whatever emotion Sakura had planned to build.

'_No… No… Naruto can't die… not now… not when I've finally understood myself.'_

Sakura lost control of all her bodily functions and her mind went blank, feeling nothing at all except for guilt and remorse; guilt for causing this to happen, no matter how indirectly; remorse for being the cause of Naruto's pain.

**Speak to me **

**Tell me something so typical **

**A lullaby or something miserable **

**That will keep me up at night **

Naruto opened his eyes, not really surprised to see a large dark hole in front of him. He had already prepared for the worst, and figured that this was just the afterworld and he was sent to Hell, for reasons he didn't want nor cared to know. He just didn't expect to be with the Kyuubi, or at least the fox's voice.

"Dammit you brat! You're not dead! Stop thinking that do you think I'd let you die **that**easily?!" The fox howled, the sound of his cage bars rattling echoing.

"Wait, if **I'm** not dead, and you're here… I'm in my mind again, aren't I?" Naruto said out loud, understanding dawning on him.

"Yes… and no." 

"Dammit! I hate it when you get cryptic you stupid old demon!" Naruto growled, knowing that the fox was probably smirking right now.

"Well, that's not my problem anymore, is it?"

"What the hell does it take to get a decent answer out of you?" He asked the fox, knowing that the question was pointless. There was only one thing the fox wanted.

"My freedom would be fine. I promise not to destroy you."  The Fox said innocently. Naruto snorted.

"Right. And I'm the King of the World." Naruto retorted, his voice drippimg with sarcasm.

"Would it kill you to accept the fact that **you **can't escape her?" The Kyuubi interjected, and Naruto pictured the fox with his veins popping.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Naruto feigned innocence and nonchalance, failing miserably.

"Right, and **I'm **going to escape from this wretched cage right this moment."

"I don't want to talk about this." The blonde said, trying to change the subject.

"I don't care what you want. This is a matter of need, not want."

**Cross out my eyes **

**I know you planned it **

**You know I love you **

**and I can't stand it **

**We just lost control **

**We just lost control **

"…fine. But what is there to talk about? She's made it clear that even the mention of the word us by me will get me in much more pain, physically **and **emotionally." Naruto said dejectedly, knowing it was pointless to argue with the fox.

"I don't remember ever hearing her say that."

"Of course she didn't. But that's what her body language is saying. I **do **know how to look underneath the underneath you know."

"Never said **you** couldn't. **I** only said you were stupid. And that you look too much in the underneath that you forget the fact that the underneath is sometimes worthless. She loves you, you love her. So what's the problem here? Oh. Yeah. You're stupidity and complete idiocy hinders any relationship from burgeoning forward."

"What the hell do **you** know? **You** never got your heart utterly crushed before your very eyes. You probably got everything you wanted in life**.**"

"Not everything. But I sympathize. I **have **lived inside your wretched body for nearly two decades you know."

**Lie to me **

**Give me something worth living for **

**Tell me a reason worth fighting for **

**Give me anything **

**Anything to keep me breathing **

**Lie to me **

**Tell me stories so beautiful **

**An epic, or something so terrible **

**That it makes me weep **

(Break here means that there is scene change.)

Sakura sat down on the chair next to Naruto's hospital bed, silent sobs racking her body. She kept blaming herself for what happened to the boy. Countless scenarios played in her mind, but there were two which were the most prominent.

One was of her, hugging Naruto, caging him in her arms, so that he wasn't able to leave, which ended with him not being hurt like he was right now. And the other…

The other one was unbearable to even think of.

The other one… was of his funeral.

**Cross out these days **

**On your calendar **

**It hurts me so much **

**And I'm not quite sure **

**I care anymore **

**I care anymore **

**†2†4†4†6†4†**

"Yeah. Right. You, sympathize? I've heard Konohamaru lie better."

"Well, fine. I just want you to know how it sucks to be inside here when you're in one of your self-hate binges. Especially when you take out that wretched knife of yours."

"What about it? It's my body, you know. I can destroy it however I want to."

"And destroying your body helps you, how?"

"You wouldn't understand. You're probably someone who gets what he want whenever he wants it. Bastards like you are always like that."

**Lie to me **

**Give me something worth living for **

**Tell me a reason worth fighting for **

**Give me anything **

**Anything to keep me breathing **

**†2†4†4†6†4†**

The guilt was unbearable. She has caused so much pain to Naruto, and he never complained to her (well, he did, but it was more of a playful one.) She never realized how much he really had to sacrifice for her when he already had so little to give from the start.

And to think he never really asked a thing from her except for a few measly dates which she all but float out rejected.

'So I am nothing more than just a bitch.'

**Lie to me **

**Give me something worth living for **

**Tell me a reason worth fighting for **

**Give me anything **

**Anything to keep me breathing**

**†2†4†4†6†4†**

"Ah. So you wouldn't care then? If you died."

"Not really. I wouldn't care, but you probably would."

"True, true. So let's go then."

"Go where?"

"Let's give dying a shot."

"You sure??"

"Sure. We won't really die anyway. "

"Well, then. Let's go. Just don't blame me if we die."

"Whatever."

**†2†4†4†6†4†**

"Tsunade-sama!! You are needed at the hospital!!" Shizune burst in to the fifth's office, her face a mixture of worry and fear.

"Why? What's wrong??" Tsunade asked her apperentice, already fearing the answer.

"It's Naruto!" Shizune answered with wide eyes.

"What about him?" the blonde felt a chill run up her spine at the mention of the boy's name.

"His condition has gone from bad to worse! There's a large chance he'll die!"

"Get Sakura!! Get all the best medics now!" Tsunade roared _'Naruto, you better not go on dying on me!'_

**†2†4†4†6†4†**

**Anything to keep me breathing**

(Break here means end of chapter 8)

**A/N: **So there. Here is the latest chapter of this story. Sorry for all those who waited for this, but hey, school sucks the life outta you, so I didn't really have time to write this. I'll try to come up with other chapters and post it as soon as I can. Anyways, review people!! It has been scientifically (not really) proven to increase the author's creative juice flow! You know the drill. And as previously stated in other A/Ns, flames will be accepted but ignored. So there. This is a rush job, well not really. it's half planned half rushed but never half assed.

.....And I'm rambling again. (Your Stories, My Alibis – Matchbook Romance)


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